My Husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 6 years. We tried numerous rounds of pharmaceuticals with timed intercourse, then with IUI. Sometimes this resulted in nothing and other times a miscarriage. I had a loss of twins that resulted in having to have an emergency ectopic surgery almost losing one of my fallopian tubes. This was the worst one.
It was November and I remember it was a Wednesday. My husband was working out of town. I had woken up with the craziest dream about having twin girls. We had named them Bella and Kara. Not names I would have normally picked but hey, dreams are weird sometimes. I had my iui days earlier and wasn’t supposed to take a pregnancy test for a few days, but by Thursday I couldn’t wait anymore. I took a test and it was positive. I was solo excited! I spent the whole day trying to figure out some cute way to tell my husband that it had finally worked. I couldn’t wait for Perrin to get back into town so I could tell him. Then, Friday morning I woke up with cramping and bleeding. I panicked and went into the doctor. She confirmed that I was having another miscarriage.
About a week passed and I was supposed to go have blood work done every few days to make sure that my HCG levels were back to 0 but they were not. I was having cramps and still bleeding. My HCG levels were going up but they were not doubling like they should if I were pregnant. They Dr Office kept doing ultrasounds but couldn’t find anything. Finally, (im not sure how many days it had been) the ultrasound showed us what was happening. The Dr told me that I had a belly full of blood and that the other baby was in my tube. She said she had to take my in for emergency surgery. It was already 5 in the evening and my husband was 4 hours away for work. So there I was. Sitting in the office bawling while she told me what was going to happen/what could happen in surgery. I called my husband and told him what was going on. When I woke up from surgery he was there to take me home. I cried for a long time. I didn’t go back to work for a week. I hated everything. Eventually we took out a loan to try a round of IVF. We retrieved 9 eggs. 5 of them arrested leaving us 4 embryos. Dr griffin took the best one and implanted it. While we were waiting to take a pregnancy test 2 of the remaining embryos passed away. A few days later our pregnancy test came back negative. That left us one embryo that was able to go into cryo. A year later we decided to give it one last try and see if the embryo would take. AND IT DID!!
Choosing Melissa to honor our rainbow baby was a simple decision. Best personality, best photos, she is awesome! Melissa is just a comfortable person to be around. It was a great experience to have her do Paxton’s photos. She is very knowledgeable about photography and infant safety. I had no concerns at all while I was with her in the studio. The overall experience just felt “homey”. Melissa does great work. She is friendly and professional. She was super careful while posing and wrapping our baby. You can tell she really loves what she does and the end products are AMAZING.
I tried for along time to just bottle everything up and focus on other things to make me happy. I even bought a trip to Alaska after our first round of IVF failed. The trip was amazing but when it was over I still felt the emptiness. It wasn’t until I finally starting talking about it with others that it started to ease the pain. That was just what worked for me but everyone grieves in their own way. Just don’t give up.